DannyboyO1 (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} dannyboyo1) wrote,@ 2009-04-01 22:15:00 |
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On Writing
Well, I'm going to call a quit to the novel I've been writing. If you check the dates of the posts onhttp://dannyboyo1.blogspot.com you'll see that I've been posting on it very very infrequently for over a year. I'm maybe 8% into a novel. If you squint, and it's a thin one. Sure, I took a break in the middle when I needed to, yanno, work for money. But, being honest, even with my sleeping habits, 9 hours spent working each day (I do count transit time and lunch.) isn't what keeps me from writing a kick-ass novel.
I've been struggling with every element of this from day one. I hate coming up with names, I hate writing notes, I constantly come up with ideas that undermine my own narrative structure. Some of it's the very thing that I decided at the outset for the project. I wanted something interesting to think about, that I wasn't going to fall in love with. I didn't want to burn out on my own project. So I went with superheroes. It's a cliche that, I've noticed, you almost never see done with an eye towards how the real world gets changed by the presence of supers.
I don't care about comic books. They're generally not well done. They're guy soap operas. Hell, if there were a plot involving two characters minds getting swapped, and their best friend was falling in love with the wrong one... all while their worst enemy unveiled a scheme to take over the company they all work for... but it turned out the whole time that it was just a coma dream one of them had of an alternate universe version while hooked up to a mind-altering... you get my drift. I wanted a realistic treatment of superpowers. Heroes and villains are very dramatic. But what if, say, Braniac took over the electoral college and named himself president... and actually did a pretty decent job? What if Cyclops was a construction worker? He'd be a natural welder. Forget the extremes of heroism and villainy that most people think of for comic books. What goes on in the grey middle area?
Trouble is, even when focussing on low-level superpowers, you have to address a slew of questions. How many people are "special"? How does the public react? What's this doing to the job market? If the Flash builds an entire house by himself in an hour, is the union upset? How, what, where? And the point where I realized this wasn't going to ever really STOP so that I could finish my story was when I had to try and fit mind-readers in. Legal issues, ethical issues... and most importantly... insider trading. Mind readers would do very well in business. You'd know if the other guy was trying to cheat you. And you can't cover that with legislation. You'd never be able to prove an unfair advantage like that. Not without some sort of detector for the talent.
I started this project to teach myself how to structure a novel. I wrote a plot outline for a trilogy, and, quite frankly, I think I might even be able to someday finish it if I want.
But I don't want.
It's painful, and I really don't think it's got the potential to become worthwhile anytime soon. It did fulfill the bare minimum for my expectations. I did manage to figure out a plot outline. I did get more than one chapter written. I made notes on characters, and I didn't give up right away.
I'm giving up after a couple years.
I still lack the determination to make visible progress daily. I hit a roadblock, I walk away for a bit, and my subconscious hands me a solution a couple days later. So I can steam ahead into the next roadblock. That's... a really bad rate of progress. I should be screaming at the top of my lungs and actually, like, solving my problems as they come, but I don't quite know how, and I'm never confident of what I come up with on the fly. Probably because I come up with much better solutions when I have a few weeks to select the best brainstorm from. That's... not going to work as a career though.
I don't want to give up on writing, and I think I can force myself to keep producing... something. What I really need now is a project I can love. I know what steps to take on an emotionless level of craftsmanship. (Maybe. If I did things right with my abortive fetus of a trilogy.) I just... need something I want to do. Something I can be eager to finish making, instead of eager to stop dealing with.
In the mean time, I get to hunt for a job in the current market. Sure, there's always great turnover in customer service... but I refuse to work a job where I am asked to lie in order to keep a job that nobody sane can truly enjoy. It's not enough to refuse to be a salesman anymore. My last job, I was temping for a place that leases office equipment. Copiers. The leases are guaranteed to cost the customer about twice as much, and it's a retail price that's heavily inflated. So, my job is to find diplomatic ways to say "You guys should have read that contract. Man. You have to pay us a lot more than that piece of shit's worth. It exploded? Bummer. Now you not only owe the remaining months of payment, but you're going to buy it on top of that. Hope you had it insured so you can pay us. What? You thought you were on a dollar buyout lease? Doesn't say that on the contract. You are SOL."
So, yeah. A job for scum, as a shark's smile... not happening. I'm going to try and find something a bit better, but... long hours and low pay on a job I don't love versus no pay on a novel I don't love...
Well, I'm going to call a quit to the novel I've been writing. If you check the dates of the posts on
I've been struggling with every element of this from day one. I hate coming up with names, I hate writing notes, I constantly come up with ideas that undermine my own narrative structure. Some of it's the very thing that I decided at the outset for the project. I wanted something interesting to think about, that I wasn't going to fall in love with. I didn't want to burn out on my own project. So I went with superheroes. It's a cliche that, I've noticed, you almost never see done with an eye towards how the real world gets changed by the presence of supers.
I don't care about comic books. They're generally not well done. They're guy soap operas. Hell, if there were a plot involving two characters minds getting swapped, and their best friend was falling in love with the wrong one... all while their worst enemy unveiled a scheme to take over the company they all work for... but it turned out the whole time that it was just a coma dream one of them had of an alternate universe version while hooked up to a mind-altering... you get my drift. I wanted a realistic treatment of superpowers. Heroes and villains are very dramatic. But what if, say, Braniac took over the electoral college and named himself president... and actually did a pretty decent job? What if Cyclops was a construction worker? He'd be a natural welder. Forget the extremes of heroism and villainy that most people think of for comic books. What goes on in the grey middle area?
Trouble is, even when focussing on low-level superpowers, you have to address a slew of questions. How many people are "special"? How does the public react? What's this doing to the job market? If the Flash builds an entire house by himself in an hour, is the union upset? How, what, where? And the point where I realized this wasn't going to ever really STOP so that I could finish my story was when I had to try and fit mind-readers in. Legal issues, ethical issues... and most importantly... insider trading. Mind readers would do very well in business. You'd know if the other guy was trying to cheat you. And you can't cover that with legislation. You'd never be able to prove an unfair advantage like that. Not without some sort of detector for the talent.
I started this project to teach myself how to structure a novel. I wrote a plot outline for a trilogy, and, quite frankly, I think I might even be able to someday finish it if I want.
But I don't want.
It's painful, and I really don't think it's got the potential to become worthwhile anytime soon. It did fulfill the bare minimum for my expectations. I did manage to figure out a plot outline. I did get more than one chapter written. I made notes on characters, and I didn't give up right away.
I'm giving up after a couple years.
I still lack the determination to make visible progress daily. I hit a roadblock, I walk away for a bit, and my subconscious hands me a solution a couple days later. So I can steam ahead into the next roadblock. That's... a really bad rate of progress. I should be screaming at the top of my lungs and actually, like, solving my problems as they come, but I don't quite know how, and I'm never confident of what I come up with on the fly. Probably because I come up with much better solutions when I have a few weeks to select the best brainstorm from. That's... not going to work as a career though.
I don't want to give up on writing, and I think I can force myself to keep producing... something. What I really need now is a project I can love. I know what steps to take on an emotionless level of craftsmanship. (Maybe. If I did things right with my abortive fetus of a trilogy.) I just... need something I want to do. Something I can be eager to finish making, instead of eager to stop dealing with.
In the mean time, I get to hunt for a job in the current market. Sure, there's always great turnover in customer service... but I refuse to work a job where I am asked to lie in order to keep a job that nobody sane can truly enjoy. It's not enough to refuse to be a salesman anymore. My last job, I was temping for a place that leases office equipment. Copiers. The leases are guaranteed to cost the customer about twice as much, and it's a retail price that's heavily inflated. So, my job is to find diplomatic ways to say "You guys should have read that contract. Man. You have to pay us a lot more than that piece of shit's worth. It exploded? Bummer. Now you not only owe the remaining months of payment, but you're going to buy it on top of that. Hope you had it insured so you can pay us. What? You thought you were on a dollar buyout lease? Doesn't say that on the contract. You are SOL."
So, yeah. A job for scum, as a shark's smile... not happening. I'm going to try and find something a bit better, but... long hours and low pay on a job I don't love versus no pay on a novel I don't love...
